The Buzz Kill

Hello Loves,

I dare not even begin this post with an apology because I know you're pretty sick of them (did you get the subliminal apology? niicceee lol) Well, let's get right to it...our issue is with THE BUZZ KILL. You know them. The one "friend" you have that no matter how good you're feeling always manages to steal the happiness. It's like they have a big ass straw and just suck the joy out of every damn situation!

You get a new job "Didn't you just get fired 2 months ago? Do they know that?
You have a baby "Children cost so damn much! Can you afford that?"
You get a new girlfriend or boyfriend "How long is this gonna last"

You know what *WHISTLE BLOW* FLLLAAGGS EVERYWHERRREEE DAMN IT
15 YARD PENALTY FOR UNNECESSARY ROUGHNESS ...

Honey! Why are you damn angry at the world? What happened in your life that you can let others be happy or enjoy themselves?

Loves, Misery loves itself some company and that's all the BUZZ KILL is a serious dose of misery. I was never big on the taste of medicine, and misery has a nasty aftertaste. Time to distance yourself from that cloud of gloom and (excuse my french) bullshit.

Let them buzz buzz buzz by their lonesome. You'll get along just fine without them..TRUST ME!

Love & Flags

Miss Ref

The Drunk Caller/Texter

Hey Loves!

She let's get straight to spilling the T. A fellow love and I were discussing after club calling/texting. We know we've all done it when we are a lil' under the influence. However, we all have the one friend who calls their ex without fail as soon as the liquor swirls around their lips. We feel the need to take their phone as soon as we park the car in front of the club/party destination. So you know what?


*Whistle Blow!!* Unnecessary cover...15 yard penalty*

Cut it out Sir Slurs a lot and Miss LOL :)

Honey you need to stop using liquor as an excuse to talk to someone you still have feelings for. It looks really bad that you only call them under the influence. Words slurred and a bunch of whiny "I love yous" does not make your situation turn in your favor!

How long are you going to hide behind your after-party guise when dealing with them? They will never take you seriously. "Drunk words speak sober thoughts, Miss ref" ....*side eye* So I've been told. But nothing speaks louder and a tad more clear than sober thoughts speaking sober emotions to another sober individual.

Get rid of that liquid courage...or you'll never know if they're just appeasing your drunken state with their words or being truthful.

Love & Flags
Miss Ref

My Call : Food for Thought

So my loves, one of your brethren has been receiving daily messages of prose and poetry of inspiration. I believe we all need some soul hugging and a bit of ressurance that we are not alone in our troubles..so I'm going to start sharing my messages with you!

"If I told you I loved you (or anyone else for that matter) how could you believe me? Know it was true...if not for the heartbreak that preceded my presence? Thank that pain and with the help of a new love never know it again" --Miss Ref


Love & Flags

The Cyclist

Hello Loves,

Unfortunately my personal schedule has created quite a rift in my posting schedule. In spite of all this I have a scenario from one of your fellow loves to report. This young lady is a new mommy and in a "relationship" with the father. They have been together for awhile, however his infidelity is obvious and his position as a "dad" is questionable. He's in and out of jail, never has a real job, and doesn't really have any apparent goals or aspirations. Now he's back in jail and back in drama. Side chicks (see Main Chick vs Side Chick), money issues, playing games from behind bars! How bold are we here?!?! *Whistle blow* This dude is waaaay off sides

So what do we dub her loves? The Cyclist of course. She is the girl who goes through the motions over and over again never straying from the path. She's becoming content with the drama, the pain, the games. She is in the middle of big mess that is in desperate need of cleaning.

When there is a child involved, we must always remember to do what is best for them. We can not ....CAN NOT have a child in an unstable environment. If he is doing nothing to change let him go love. Pull up your bootstraps and hit the pavement running. Stop depending on someone who doesn't want to hold your weight! Get a job, be empowered. Show yourself and your child that real love is what makes you wake up each morning and strive for what's best. That real love is the love your child will always have for you. No man can ever duplicate that. While it is sad that he will not be in the picture, don't dwell. You can't make people do what they don't want to do. If he doesn't want to provide financially, you take bigger steps to ensure that IS HIS RESPONSIBILITY AS A FATHER. However, you must provide financially and emotionally for your child as well. The time you spend chasing him and his nonsense, and the money your throw away to his hands is being taken from your child.

Take a step back and stop worrying about how he will feel, and what's good for him. He never thinks twice about his actions and how they will affect you or your child.

Love & Flags
-Miss Ref

Woe Is Me

Hello Loves!

Sorry for the gap in posting, I've been quite the busy bee lately. Let's examine today's dilemma.

We have a 21-year old college student in a perpetual rut. This hunnie bunny is having quite the time in all aspects of life. No job, grades that seesaw, and quite a track record when it comes to relationships. "I don't know what to do", they said to me. That's their favorite song to sing WOE IS ME.

*Whistle Blow* Delay of Game!! Baby get it together, this song has been on repeat for awhile.

Life deals us lemons right? Making lemonade of these bad boys can be quite the feat! However my loves we must be willing to put forth the effort to get what we desire. Nothing will just fall into our laps. If you want better grades, find a studying style that suites your personality and lets you hold on to the information. Examine the way you take notes and make adjustments where necessary. Could a total stranger read them and understand the material? Compare your best work to your worst work. What's missing?

Get out there and do some job hunting! Do footwork, look on various sites that offer employment opportunities. For goodness sake hunnie bunny you're in college NETWORK!! This is the place to do it. You would be surprised at the connections your peers and professors have. Pass around your resume and CV. Have people on the look out, but be prepared to do some work on your own. Do not rely on others! They'll give you the key, it's your responsibility to open the door and walk in.

As far as relationships go, step back and take a look at yourself. What do you bring to the table? What pattern of relationships do you find yourself in? What do you want the other person to have? Are you in it for comfort and selfish reasons, or do you really value being in relationships? You have to answer these questions in order to embark on the path to a healthy relationship love.

If you want success in all aspects of live you have to put out the effort and maintain the motivation. You're life is only as successful as you allow it.

Love & Whistles
~Miss Ref

Little Miss Argument

Hello Loves!

This post comes via a close acquaintance. She has been in a relationship on and off for awhile now for various reasons. Recently she has found that her boyfriend doesn't want to spend time with her anymore. She cooks, she cleans, she's beautiful, intelligent yada yada yada. So what's the problem? The problem is one I've observed when the two interact. I call her Little Miss Argument It's completely routine to witness them in a fight at least twice in one encounter. Why? Because her need for attention has caused her to pick various arguments in effort to hold a conversation.

*Whistle Blow* Unsportsmanlike-Conduct

Why are you arguing in order to get attention? Negative prompting will only lead to a negative response. Sure you have his attention while he's arguing with you, but once it's done he'll do what ever he can to prevent it from happening again (i.e. avoid you at all costs!).

You need to figure out what's really fueling your anger towards him. Why must you pick a fight, even when he's doing nothing wrong? If you can find nothing positive to discuss, why open your mouth? Why be in a relationship with someone that you can't find any good in, or causes you so much grief? Think about it, I'm sure he is.

Love & Flags
Miss Ref

The Main Chick..vs. The Side Chick

Hello Loves!

Here's the scenario: A hunnie bunny is with this particular guy. They've been together for awhile now. Recently she walked up on him with what apparently was one of his "side chicks". Being the aggressive one she is, she flips out on him. However she doesn't want to leave. They have investments. After she is the Main Chick...right?

Hmm...well my loves. I don't support sitting in the middle of a sandstorm. It's hazardous. And let's analyze this Main Chick...Side Chick dynamic.

You're the Main Chick if:

You have been introduced to family and friends
You are called by a title in public
You have been to his house and stayed for more than a night and on a regular basis
You can walk into his house without question
You are given affection in public
You can ask where he is and get an on the spot answer
People speak of you and add that's _______'s girl/wife/lady
His friends and family check on you


You're the Side Chick if:

You never know who he's referring to when he talks about his boys
You've never met the family
You only get texts during the day
You only get calls late at night
Your calls aren't answered on a consistent basis
You ask where he is and he immediately is defensive
You tell him you're in the area and he says he's busy/not around there
You've only spent a few hours at his place at night
He wakes you up so you can go home
You don't know his last name
You don't speak of a future


...These lists are all inclusive but I'm hoping you see my point.

*Whistle Blow* TIMEOUT!

The important thing ladies is to know your place and your worth. Why be a headliner when it should be a one man show? Don't settle or sell yourself short! You deserve his all...to be his only girl/lady/woman. And Side Chicks who know you're side chicks...this applies to you too hunnies. If he's doing it to her, he will do the same to you. Stop with all this sharing...get your own ..he is not a meal. With a partial serving you will never be fully satisfied.

Love & Flags

Miss Ref

The Friend Zone

Hello Loves!

Last night a friend whispered to me "How do you let him know you just want to be friends?". Hmmm tricky territory. So here's the back story.

Boy meets girl. Girl and boy having conversations. Boy and girl click on an intellectual level. Girl finds comfort. Boy finds chemistry. Girl isn't interested in boy on that level. How do we back out without destroying what could be a great friendship?

*Whistle* The Friend Zone Flag must be thrown my love. You must continue to engage in the conversation you are so enthralled by, yet you must insert a bit of verbiage to let him know it is strictly platonic. Most would say, "just tell him you don't like him like that". Ok, you could, but then you risk the awkward silence after the conversation has ended and you bear instant guilt and he wears a face of embarrassment.

To be easy, be direct, but be sincere. You're concerned about hurting feelings and being harsh. Throw out "See this is why we're friends" during the convo. That's a Miss Ref go to! It establishes, yes this is a relationship, but a platonic one. Watch your body language. A hug can be misleading if it lasts a bit too long or a term of endearment can be taken as a doorway to a pet name. We aren't talking about walking on eggshells here, be clear. We also don't say you are the blame for the belief that the spark is there. You are however leading someone on if you continue to engage them knowing they have feelings for you, which you have no plans to reciprocate and you establish no platonic boundary. Also involve others in your outings and conversations. This makes him an inclusive member of the friend circle and cuts down the possibility of you and him alone being seen as an intimate dynamic.

If he doesn't get the hint after you complimenting him on being a good friend, being a the go to guy FRIEND, your BOY...and being around you only in a FRIEND heavy setting, ok I give you permission to pull him to the side in your most stern and authoritative voice and go "Look, we're just friends...nothing more"

Tell me what happens love.

Love & Flags

Miss Ref

The Light Switch Couple

Hello Loves!

It has come to my attention that one of you is in a light switch relationship. What is a light switch relationship you ask? Well my love, a light switch relationship is one that is constantly on-again off-again. Many of us know people in these dynamics. One day there are lovey dovey and the next we want to duck from the insults being hurled. There are many issues in this situation. If your switch is constantly being flicked, how do you know what stability is? How long was the light on? Was on long enough to give light to all that person means to you and vice versa? When the light was off, were you afraid of the dark, or did you make through with only a few stumbles?


*Whistle* Delay of Game!! We need progress!!
To my love in the light switch relationship I give this:

Look at yourself while in the light and look at your partner. If this is where you want to be, stay there. You've had enough breaks and blackouts to know what you want and if this includes a future with this person. If you find yourself going through the same motions to reach for the light switch, the fights, the mistrust, the drama, my love do not hit the light. Cut off the electricity. No use in exerting unnecessary energy and wasting your power ..your love.

Love & Flags

Ms. Ref <3

Whistle Blow: Lola Maxell

The first whistle blow goes to the lyrically fierce femcee Lola Maxwell

Saturday Lola hit the streets of her native DC to give a live performance in the heart of Chinatown. Mic in hand and crowd surrounded Lola Maxwell delivered a true performance of heart and style. Lyrically, she's one to watch as she stays away from the commercial stunts and the fairytale lines we have become accustomed to. With a grind time mindset, attention grabbing lines, and the ambitions of a great her presence is undeniable.

Check out the mixtapes:

http://www.dmvunplugged.com/featured/2009/11/lola-maxwell-from-the-planet-of-the-greats

http://www.datpiff.com/Lola_Maxwell_Basik_Edukation.m107815.html

The Tip-Off

Hello My Loves!!!

After careful consideration, I've finally decided to grant your wishes and do an advice blog! Here we are, so now it's up to you.

Having relationships issues? School getting to be a bit much? Is your boss this close from making you snap? Or you just need to vent to an open mind and a near ear? I got you my love!

Send my your questions,scenarios, and spazzes (yes we've made the spaz plural LOL!)

I'll make my call here and you can breathe easy.

P.S.
Got talent? Making a difference in the community? Let me know and I'll blow the whistle for the masses to hear.


Love Life and Flag Tosses

~Miss Ref~