Little Miss Argument

Hello Loves!

This post comes via a close acquaintance. She has been in a relationship on and off for awhile now for various reasons. Recently she has found that her boyfriend doesn't want to spend time with her anymore. She cooks, she cleans, she's beautiful, intelligent yada yada yada. So what's the problem? The problem is one I've observed when the two interact. I call her Little Miss Argument It's completely routine to witness them in a fight at least twice in one encounter. Why? Because her need for attention has caused her to pick various arguments in effort to hold a conversation.

*Whistle Blow* Unsportsmanlike-Conduct

Why are you arguing in order to get attention? Negative prompting will only lead to a negative response. Sure you have his attention while he's arguing with you, but once it's done he'll do what ever he can to prevent it from happening again (i.e. avoid you at all costs!).

You need to figure out what's really fueling your anger towards him. Why must you pick a fight, even when he's doing nothing wrong? If you can find nothing positive to discuss, why open your mouth? Why be in a relationship with someone that you can't find any good in, or causes you so much grief? Think about it, I'm sure he is.

Love & Flags
Miss Ref

The Main Chick..vs. The Side Chick

Hello Loves!

Here's the scenario: A hunnie bunny is with this particular guy. They've been together for awhile now. Recently she walked up on him with what apparently was one of his "side chicks". Being the aggressive one she is, she flips out on him. However she doesn't want to leave. They have investments. After she is the Main Chick...right?

Hmm...well my loves. I don't support sitting in the middle of a sandstorm. It's hazardous. And let's analyze this Main Chick...Side Chick dynamic.

You're the Main Chick if:

You have been introduced to family and friends
You are called by a title in public
You have been to his house and stayed for more than a night and on a regular basis
You can walk into his house without question
You are given affection in public
You can ask where he is and get an on the spot answer
People speak of you and add that's _______'s girl/wife/lady
His friends and family check on you


You're the Side Chick if:

You never know who he's referring to when he talks about his boys
You've never met the family
You only get texts during the day
You only get calls late at night
Your calls aren't answered on a consistent basis
You ask where he is and he immediately is defensive
You tell him you're in the area and he says he's busy/not around there
You've only spent a few hours at his place at night
He wakes you up so you can go home
You don't know his last name
You don't speak of a future


...These lists are all inclusive but I'm hoping you see my point.

*Whistle Blow* TIMEOUT!

The important thing ladies is to know your place and your worth. Why be a headliner when it should be a one man show? Don't settle or sell yourself short! You deserve his all...to be his only girl/lady/woman. And Side Chicks who know you're side chicks...this applies to you too hunnies. If he's doing it to her, he will do the same to you. Stop with all this sharing...get your own ..he is not a meal. With a partial serving you will never be fully satisfied.

Love & Flags

Miss Ref

The Friend Zone

Hello Loves!

Last night a friend whispered to me "How do you let him know you just want to be friends?". Hmmm tricky territory. So here's the back story.

Boy meets girl. Girl and boy having conversations. Boy and girl click on an intellectual level. Girl finds comfort. Boy finds chemistry. Girl isn't interested in boy on that level. How do we back out without destroying what could be a great friendship?

*Whistle* The Friend Zone Flag must be thrown my love. You must continue to engage in the conversation you are so enthralled by, yet you must insert a bit of verbiage to let him know it is strictly platonic. Most would say, "just tell him you don't like him like that". Ok, you could, but then you risk the awkward silence after the conversation has ended and you bear instant guilt and he wears a face of embarrassment.

To be easy, be direct, but be sincere. You're concerned about hurting feelings and being harsh. Throw out "See this is why we're friends" during the convo. That's a Miss Ref go to! It establishes, yes this is a relationship, but a platonic one. Watch your body language. A hug can be misleading if it lasts a bit too long or a term of endearment can be taken as a doorway to a pet name. We aren't talking about walking on eggshells here, be clear. We also don't say you are the blame for the belief that the spark is there. You are however leading someone on if you continue to engage them knowing they have feelings for you, which you have no plans to reciprocate and you establish no platonic boundary. Also involve others in your outings and conversations. This makes him an inclusive member of the friend circle and cuts down the possibility of you and him alone being seen as an intimate dynamic.

If he doesn't get the hint after you complimenting him on being a good friend, being a the go to guy FRIEND, your BOY...and being around you only in a FRIEND heavy setting, ok I give you permission to pull him to the side in your most stern and authoritative voice and go "Look, we're just friends...nothing more"

Tell me what happens love.

Love & Flags

Miss Ref

The Light Switch Couple

Hello Loves!

It has come to my attention that one of you is in a light switch relationship. What is a light switch relationship you ask? Well my love, a light switch relationship is one that is constantly on-again off-again. Many of us know people in these dynamics. One day there are lovey dovey and the next we want to duck from the insults being hurled. There are many issues in this situation. If your switch is constantly being flicked, how do you know what stability is? How long was the light on? Was on long enough to give light to all that person means to you and vice versa? When the light was off, were you afraid of the dark, or did you make through with only a few stumbles?


*Whistle* Delay of Game!! We need progress!!
To my love in the light switch relationship I give this:

Look at yourself while in the light and look at your partner. If this is where you want to be, stay there. You've had enough breaks and blackouts to know what you want and if this includes a future with this person. If you find yourself going through the same motions to reach for the light switch, the fights, the mistrust, the drama, my love do not hit the light. Cut off the electricity. No use in exerting unnecessary energy and wasting your power ..your love.

Love & Flags

Ms. Ref <3

Whistle Blow: Lola Maxell

The first whistle blow goes to the lyrically fierce femcee Lola Maxwell

Saturday Lola hit the streets of her native DC to give a live performance in the heart of Chinatown. Mic in hand and crowd surrounded Lola Maxwell delivered a true performance of heart and style. Lyrically, she's one to watch as she stays away from the commercial stunts and the fairytale lines we have become accustomed to. With a grind time mindset, attention grabbing lines, and the ambitions of a great her presence is undeniable.

Check out the mixtapes:

http://www.dmvunplugged.com/featured/2009/11/lola-maxwell-from-the-planet-of-the-greats

http://www.datpiff.com/Lola_Maxwell_Basik_Edukation.m107815.html

The Tip-Off

Hello My Loves!!!

After careful consideration, I've finally decided to grant your wishes and do an advice blog! Here we are, so now it's up to you.

Having relationships issues? School getting to be a bit much? Is your boss this close from making you snap? Or you just need to vent to an open mind and a near ear? I got you my love!

Send my your questions,scenarios, and spazzes (yes we've made the spaz plural LOL!)

I'll make my call here and you can breathe easy.

P.S.
Got talent? Making a difference in the community? Let me know and I'll blow the whistle for the masses to hear.


Love Life and Flag Tosses

~Miss Ref~